2. Family - (3). What is the Spousal Relationship?
1). The Purpose and Duty of a Marital Relationship
Marriage is not a connection formed through blood ties but a relationship where two strangers meet and become family. Meeting as a couple signifies that they have encountered a connection capable of exchanging energy with each other. When couples genuinely cherish and love each other, their energy is revived almost immediately. Any pain or illness can completely disappear. The medium through which the energy of the human soul is conveyed is speech and conversation. Conversations meant for each other can be powerful enough to heal physical illnesses. However, speech driven by selfish, egoistic energy can make both oneself and others sick. Words are so powerful that they can revive a dying person or, conversely, utterly crush a healthy one in an instant.
If a couple lives driven by selfish desires for this energy, they end up wounding and making each other’s lives more difficult. On the other hand, if they live for each other, they help each other grow spiritually and become a "true family" (as recognized by nature).
To become a couple who helps each other grow, it is essential to understand the difference between fundamental and temporary methods. Every solution in this world can be categorized into those that address the root cause of a problem and those that provide temporary relief. This principle is also referred to as the "Yin-Yang principle."
Here’s an example: Suppose you catch a severe flu. Taking medicine temporarily alleviates the symptoms but does not fundamentally eliminate the flu virus to achieve full recovery. Medication typically contains components to suppress coughing, reduce fever, or stop a runny nose, but it does not include ingredients to specifically target and eradicate the flu virus. In other words, it provides temporary relief. However, as taking medicine restores your condition to some extent, your immune system gradually improves and eventually resolves the underlying flu virus.
Likewise, simply solving or avoiding a problem at hand does not constitute a fundamental solution, as similar situations will inevitably arise again. Therefore, when faced with difficulties, it is essential to study and understand what you did not know, preventing such pain from occurring in the future. Originally, hospitals were also supposed to educate patients so they could avoid getting sick again. However, since this education is lacking, even when patients are treated, they return with recurring illnesses. As a result, the number of patients increases, and no matter how many hospitals are established, they are never enough, perpetuating a vicious cycle. Patients need to learn why they became ill and how to take responsibility for their own health going forward. Current hospitals, however, merely treat the affected part of the body without teaching why the illness occurred, leading to temporary physical treatment before sending the patient home. Since the patient’s habits and behaviors remain unchanged, they often return to the hospital later with even more severe conditions. For example, if a liver condition is repeatedly treated without addressing the root cause, the patient may eventually experience a severe accident, such as being hit by a car, and return with an even worse state. This approach does not constitute a fundamental cure.
Similarly, marital relationships must be approached in a fundamental and root-driven manner. Financial provision alone does not make a helpful partner. Couples grow into true partners as they contribute to each other’s growth. Although the law recognizes marriage as a legitimate union and officially registers it in the national records, this does not mean the couple is genuinely married from the perspective of nature. Meeting as a couple signifies encountering a special connection with the potential to become true partners. However, if the couple does not fulfill their responsibilities properly or fails to benefit one another, they cannot be considered true partners. Alignment of purpose is necessary for a couple to truly become one.
When both individuals make efforts, their purposes align over time. After 30 to 40 years of consistent effort, if the accumulated efforts exceed 70%, they are officially recognized as a married couple in the spiritual realm. Such couples remain inseparable even in the afterlife. A true couple becomes one in body and soul. They understand each other so deeply that they can discern each other’s thoughts from mere facial expressions or laughter. Once they surpass 70%, they reach this level of unity. At this point, a certificate of marital recognition is granted by the heavens (nature). From that moment onward, no one can separate them; they are entirely united as one. This reward comes after considerable effort, symbolizing spiritual fulfillment. Couples progress together, studying and resolving issues step by step.
Couples are connections that allow for the exchange of energy. Ego-driven energy can harm the body, while positive energy can also heal illness due to its immense power. Modern hospitals treat physical ailments temporarily without addressing root causes, leading to a growing number of patients in society. However, if couples grow and support each other fundamentally, rather than relying on temporary fixes, they become inseparable even in the spiritual realm. This is what defines a true couple.
2). Reasons for Marital Disconnection: Lack of Personal Growth and Communication
Before marriage, during the dating phase, everything seemed perfect. However, as time passes after marriage, if the relationship starts to feel suffocating, it is necessary to study and identify the reasons. To state the conclusion first: it is because both partners have failed to make mutual efforts. The husband neglects his duties in his own way, and the wife, in her own way, lives her life without engaging with him. As a result, the husband follows his path, and the wife follows hers. When both individuals take separate paths and engage in activities independently, communication ceases. If each partner has been developing their own talents without much interaction over ten years, the relationship will have already grown distant.
Marital conflicts arise because neither partner works on self-improvement. Men often grow by meeting people outside the home, while women may spend much of their time at home. Since husbands provide material support, women at home can sometimes become complacent. However, women must focus even more on personal growth while at home. This effort is crucial for a couple to truly function as partners. A wife at home prepares herself inwardly, while the husband grows externally through interactions with others, thereby elevating his status. When the husband takes on a leadership role outside, the wife must also continuously work on her personal growth so they can engage in meaningful conversations. Once the husband assumes a leadership role, he will require support from his wife. Leaders often experience isolation as they cannot interact with subordinates casually. Gradually, they retreat into their homes. When this happens, the wife must be able to understand the challenges her husband faces in society and be equipped to discuss these matters. Only then will communication flow, enabling the husband to spend more time at home.
However, if the husband returns home only to find his wife preoccupied with cooking, household chores, or leisure activities like visiting spas without having done any personal growth, she will not be prepared to support him. As a result, she cannot understand how society operates or the difficulties her husband faces in his leadership role. Communication breaks down. Meanwhile, the husband continues to develop his professional expertise, forced to do so whether he likes it or not. By the time he takes on a leadership role, his capability will have reached approximately 70%. When he reaches this level of competency, he requires his wife’s support. Support from the wife does not mean simply cooking or doing laundry but rather acquiring the knowledge and wisdom needed to have meaningful conversations with her husband. A husband in a leadership role may engage in casual, unrelated conversations with his wife at home, but it is often during these conversations that crucial hints and insights for his work emerge. This is what true support from a wife entails.
Conflicts in a household arise when mutual benefit and understanding are absent, when neither party recognizes their role, and when neither lives for the other. If a couple argues, both are equally at fault. There are no "winners" in an argument. Even if one is a university professor and the other only completed elementary school, if they engage in a verbal dispute, it means their spiritual capabilities and inner strength are on the same level. Conflicts occur because their abilities are equal. If there is a significant difference in level, arguments do not happen. The person at the higher level either resolves the issue through understanding or recognizes their own shortcomings and chooses to remain silent, preventing conflicts from arising. If one cannot even understand a single person in front of them, attempting to understand others outside the household is naive and indicative of inadequate ability.
To avoid conflict and live properly as a couple, both partners must understand these principles one by one. They must reassess whether they met properly, whether they are living rightly, and what it means to live correctly. When couples make proper efforts together and achieve positive outcomes, their children will learn how to discern suitable life partners. This will enable them to choose compatible partners without regrets.
3. Ways to Bring Couples Closer: Communication Bridges the Gap
Among the various types of marriages, if both partners are intellectuals of similar levels, they must grow together through conversation. To guide or influence a partner effectively, one must be at least one step ahead in personal growth. This allows one to engage in conversations that encourage understanding and guide the other closer to their perspective. To determine whether one has achieved this level, self-assessment and reflection on personal progress are necessary. If this foundation is properly established, partners can gradually elevate each other as they grow together.
Couples do not fight if they can communicate effectively. Why do couples argue? It is because they cannot communicate. Why can’t they communicate? The difference lies in their levels of growth and understanding. If one partner has developed significantly while the other has not, effective communication becomes impossible. Hence, it is not advisable to aim for a partner several steps ahead in personal growth. Instead, one should measure their level and find someone at a similar stage. How can one identify a suitable partner? There is only one way: a person who communicates well with you is likely to be on a similar wavelength. This compatibility extends to shared perspectives on life and other matters. Particularly in leadership roles, women often seek men they can rely on, while men need women who can provide meaningful support. Such dynamics create mutually beneficial relationships.
Humans exchange energy through conversation. Couples who consistently share kind and meaningful words with each other thrive immensely. Engaging in mutual study and sharing thoughts through discussions fosters growth for both partners. After 100 days of this practice, couples often find their faces glowing, and their mutual understanding significantly deepened. By discussing the principles of nature and sharing their thoughts, they create moments of mutual growth. They gain deeper insight into their partner, understanding the reasons behind their behavior. This is the proper attitude for couples who study and grow together. During conversations, one should avoid being self-centered, instead focusing on learning how to listen and speak appropriately. This approach brings partners closer over time. Such effort exemplifies genuine dedication to each other.
Couples should reflect on their relationship to evaluate what they are contributing to each other. Are they merely helping each other survive? Or are they enabling personal and spiritual growth? Or is their connection solely focused on raising children? These are important questions to consider. In today’s society, simply having and raising children cannot define a marriage. In the past, continuing the family lineage was a primary purpose of life. However, in the present day, humanity’s purpose is to live the life each soul was meant to fulfill on Earth.
Living merely to avoid starvation, reproducing, and nurturing offspring is a materialistic approach to life and resembles the lifestyle of animals. Human life, however, is distinct because of its soul. Humans are meant to live for spiritual growth, with the body serving as a tool for this purpose. The difference between humans and animals lies in this purpose. Animals do not mate out of love; their actions follow the laws of nature to reproduce when the time is right.
Humans, however, are constantly seeking something greater because they are on Earth for the growth of their souls, which distinguishes them from animals. Although the exact nature of this higher purpose may be unclear, the unrelenting pursuit of it is a reflection of the soul’s innate mission for growth.
Returning to the question of how to treat a marital relationship correctly: for an elderly couple to cherish and love each other, it depends on how much they supported and dedicated themselves to each other in their youth. Do not calculate or keep score with a partner who has the potential to be a true life companion. Calculations are self-serving. All conflicts in marriage stem from the act of keeping score. This leads to stagnation, separation, and wasted time. Once calculations begin, families fail to form, and relationships disintegrate. This principle applies not only to families but also to companies and society at large. When one acts out of self-interest, progress halts, and no further steps can be taken.
By diagnosing such issues accurately and studying diligently, couples can achieve true partnership.
Summary
Marriage is a relationship where partners exchange energy and grow together. Through communication, mutual understanding, and cooperation, couples can evolve into true companions. Problems should be approached fundamentally rather than temporarily. This requires both partners to address their shortcomings and make efforts to maintain meaningful communication. Conflicts arise from communication breakdowns and calculative attitudes. When couples genuinely strive for each other’s growth, they can grow into spiritually recognized partners, cherished even in old age.