(6). The Law of Relationships at Different Ages - 2). 20's
1). Relationships in Your Twenties That Help Complete What I Lack
The twenties are a time to correct the wrong growth and bad habits that developed before the age of 21, together with your parents. Therefore, the people who come into your life during your twenties are mostly those who come to help you correct your habits and fill in your deficiencies. Thus, the twenties are a time when you should grow by receiving help from many people. The more help you receive from as many people as possible, the better. Instead of trying to do good for others, you should grow by receiving any kind of help. If someone gives you advice, that’s help. If someone covers your expenses, that’s help. If someone gives you a ride, that's also help. Accept all this help and, in doing so, fill in your weaknesses and shortcomings. This is what you must do in your twenties. Wherever you go, you should accept any help you can get. Through this help, you must keep growing, correcting your deficiencies. Don't think of it as something to feel guilty about; instead, simply say "thank you" and accept everything.
Simply explaining the twenties alone may not provide sufficient understanding, so let’s explain it in comparison with other age groups. By doing so, you can see the whole picture, which allows for a more accurate and detailed understanding of the twenties.
The twenties are still connected to the family, and everything is learned within that familial environment. In the thirties, however, you must learn on your own because you need to stand independently in society. If you have shortcomings, unlike in your twenties, when you correct your habits with the help of your parents, in your thirties, you should no longer rely on your parents at all. The thirties are when you study to stand on your own while becoming independent. Thus, the people who come into your life in your thirties are those who help you achieve complete independence in various ways. That’s why, starting in your thirties, you need to rely on society. You must receive support from society to study and grow. This is what defines the study period of your thirties and covers a decade of your life. If you study well during these ten years, you become a shining talent in society by the time you reach your forties.
However, if you spend your thirties relying on your parents, it becomes difficult to keep up with society, and you may fail to accomplish your given missions. Such individuals will not be highly regarded by society and will not shine. Therefore, you must spend your thirties very wisely. In your twenties, you receive foundational education, and in your thirties, you engage in true societal study. It is through learning about society, receiving practical experience, and refining yourself that you become fully equipped.
Once you reach your thirties, you should no longer expect personal help. Instead, you must adapt to the help provided by society since you will be entering workplaces, organizations, or various social environments where you will receive support. In your thirties, you must grow by receiving enough help from society, not from your parents. It is best to separate yourself from your parents during this time because if you continue to depend on them, the more you rely on their help, the harder it will be for you to live your life independently in this society.
Upon successfully navigating a decade of growth, what happens when you enter your forties? The nature will test all that you have studied so far. From the forties onward, every relationship that comes into your life serves as a test. Nature is observing how well you handle relationships, how you solve problems, and evaluating your overall capabilities. Thus, unlike the relationships in your thirties who were always there to teach and support you, the people who come into your life in your forties may include those who attempt to deceive you, or those who smile at you only to betray you later.
If your skills are lacking, you may find yourself struggling to properly handle such relationships, leading to frustration and difficulty. In your forties, you face these various tests. If you lack the necessary capabilities, you will be swayed here and there, becoming exhausted to the point that by the time you reach your fifties, you may find yourself devoid of strength and motivation. You may even begin to feel as though you’ve already lived your life to its fullest, with no more purpose remaining.
On the other hand, if you remain steadfast, not letting yourself be shaken by these challenging connections and passing these tests successfully, you will receive great strength in your fifties. This newfound strength will enable you to live a radiant life in society, full of purpose and fulfillment.
After taking the tests of the forties and gaining strength according to the results, you should begin living your true life from your fifties onward. However, if you were lacking in preparation in your forties and did not pass those tests well, by the time you reach your fifties, society may no longer find a need for you. From the age of fifty, nature takes back about 30% of your strength, making the difference between ages 49 and 50 as vast as the heaven and the ground. Starting at fifty, the methods of forcefully pushing through tasks that worked in your thirties and forties simply stop being effective. This is because the strength you relied on is taken back by nature, and thus, brute force approaches no longer yield any results. If you have studied correctly, this is the time when you need to handle matters with wisdom instead.
The fifties are known as "Ji-Cheon-Myeong" (the age of understanding heaven's truth). This means you have become an elder, and if you continue to act childishly, you will face reprimand. In your fifties, you must become a societal elder, a public figure. If, even in your fifties, you only think about your own family or focus solely on protecting your personal wealth, this is not the behavior of a true elder. Consequently, you will increasingly face misfortunes and difficulties. Your health may decline, and you’ll find yourself surrounded only by enemies; your environment will be filled with people who resemble thieves, swarming around you.
2). Marital Connections in Your Twenties
To fully understand what the twenties are about, you must also study marriage. The twenties and thirties are the appropriate times for marriage, and in the early part of this 20's, we should learn about what marriage truly entails. Until the age of 23, you learn basic societal knowledge in school. However, schools do not teach how to properly handle the meaningful relationships, connections you'll encounter in society, nor how to recognize who these relationships, connections truly are. Yet, these are far more important than general knowledge. Without understanding society, you may end up meeting the wrong people and ruining your life. Conversely, handling good relationships correctly will help your life shine.
As you study society, you meet various connections—potential partners, friends, seniors, and juniors. As you step into society, before the age of 23, you meet many good people. Among these connections, you may find someone who makes your heart flutter—a potential romantic partner. When you are young, you experience such feelings because you are meant to form connections. The fluttering feeling in your chest is a signal. It is a signal that your internal sensor has detected something special.
What kind of signal?
It is a signal that this person may become very close to you, possibly even as a future spouse. If someone isn't destined to be close, your heart won’t race. For some, the fluttering feeling may fade, but for others, it may last longer. If your heart continues to race whenever you see a particular person, it indicates that a direct connection with your true "beloved" has arrived. How you develop this connection determines whether it will grow into a lifelong partnership.
Just friendships don’t usually make your heart race. However, when you meet someone destined to be your true "Special Relationship," you’ll feel that flutter. What types of "Special Relationship" are there? You have a life partner (Korean: Nanggun-nim), a mentor (Korean: Seonsaeng-nim), or a Mentor(Korean: Mentor-nim). Meeting such people is encountering a direct connection, which is why your heart responds with excitement.
Humans' body function entirely as sensors, and among all these sensors, the strongest signal we receive is when our heart races. This is nature’s way of sending us a signal: "This person has come into your life for a reason, so be aware of that and engage with them." According to the laws of nature, our bodies react and move in response to such signals.
From the age of 23, as you step out into society, you start learning how to navigate these relationships, with many good connections coming your way until the age of 27. During this period, you will meet a lot of people. For instance, if you meet someone around the age of 24 who makes your heart flutter, it’s an opportunity to date and learn. However, if you rush into marriage just because your heart flutters, it means you've already made a decision, and after that, you won’t encounter new, exciting connections anymore. Also, since you made a hasty decision without fully understanding this person, there is a high chance you will regret it later.
Sometimes, the fluttering feeling fades once you get to know this person more with time. If, after one, two, or three years of conversations, you still feel excited, it means you’ve built a good relationship, and both have put in effort. This is when you can consider marriage relationship.
Until the age of 23, you learn basic social knowledge, and 24 is a transition period when you typically graduate from college. It’s a time of significant change. Your direct connections start appearing from age 25. Between the ages of 25 and 27, you will encounter many people: potential life partners, those you may see as older siblings (that much close), people to befriend, or even seniors and juniors. During these three years, you should organize these connections while learning and engaging with them. It is essential to sort through everything properly during this period.
When it comes to choosing a marriage partner, it is advisable to make a decision no earlier than 27 years old. We now live in a knowledge society where people live to be 100 years old. In the past, people married to have children and preserve family bloodlines, but that was 100 or even 1,000 years ago. Today, we marry to find a person to spend your life with, not just to have and raise children. Therefore, you need to be careful when choosing a partner in this era. You need to develop yourself, gain societal experience, and have your life somewhat organized before making such an important decision. That is why it’s recommended to wait until at least the age of 27.
For example, if you decide to marry at 26, your decision is likely about 20% lacking, which increases your chances of facing difficulties later by 20%. If you decide at 25, you are about 40% lacking, which makes it 40% more likely that you will face challenges and regret your choice. So, what if you decide at 24? Then, as you live together, there’s a 70% chance that you’ll encounter regrets. If you marry at 21 simply because your heart fluttered, you are almost guaranteed to experience regret in life. This is because you made a hasty decision, leading to a stage where regret starts to set in after the commitment.
If you study these matters thoroughly in your twenties, organize your thoughts well, and apply them to your life, you will live a life with practically no regrets. That’s why the period between 27 and the mid-thirties is considered the optimal time to meet and decide on a life partner with whom you can spend a hundred-year life.
In today’s era, while we may have all the knowledge we need, those who enter society sooner and with less preparation may decide on a life partner earlier. On the other hand, some individuals may think they need to pursue further education, such as graduate school, and acquire additional knowledge before making any major life decisions. These individuals tend to delay their marriage age. Those who wish to build a stable family after becoming more equipped, both academically and socially, often pursue master’s or doctoral degrees. Those who study even more extensively may delay marriage further, with 34 or 35 being a reasonable age by which to make a decision.
At this point, you will have already established your social standing and have a clear faith of your direction in life. Thus, when you decide on a life partner, you are able to "interview" them with a clear sense, life faith of your values. By choosing a partner who aligns with your philosophy and beliefs, you reduce the likelihood of regret, and you are more likely to support one another as you journey through life together.
If you don’t understand these principles and marry someone in your twenties simply because you like them or because you feel a strong emotional connection, you may end up failing and becoming enemies with each other. This is because, even after marriage, you continue to grow and learn more about society. As you grow, your life goals may change, and if your partner's goals don’t align with yours, conflicts can arise later on.
However, this doesn't mean that marrying at 25 is completely forbidden. Even marrying at 19 is possible. If you marry at 19, it means you made a relatively simple decision, so you should live within that level of simplicity. For instance, if you only completed basic social education up to high school and plan to run a small business, marrying at 19 is fine as long as you and your spouse focus on running your business and supporting your family only. However, if you change your direction of your life in your thirties and aim to achieve something greater in society, it would be challenging to align your partner and environment with that new path. This may ultimately lead to separation.
No matter how diligently you study, even the earliest is usually the mid-thirties when you start to understand how you want to live your life. Therefore, in today’s knowledge-rich society, people are naturally delaying marriage until they have adequately equipped themselves. This trend toward later marriage is a natural outcome of our times.
Summary
Your twenties are a time to grow by receiving help from various connections to fill in your deficiencies. In your thirties, you study to stand on your own, independent of your parents, while becoming established in society. The forties are a period where you are tested on everything you have learned so far. Starting in your fifties, rather than pushing through with sheer force, you must rely on your skills and wisdom to solve problems, serving as a public figure dedicated to benefiting society. It is recommended to decide on marriage after the age of 27, once you are mature enough, so that you can carefully and thoughtfully choose a life partner, thereby minimizing future regrets.
