1. Law of Relationships - (6). The Law of Relationships at Different Ages - 1). Teens
(6). The Law of Relationships at Different Ages - 1). Teens
1). Age-Based Classifications
In Eastern thought, there are terms that classify ages and assign meanings to them. Notably, Confucius' work, Analects, uses such expressions. Interestingly, these classifications align closely with the principles of nature. Understanding them can help provide a deeper understanding of the whole concept.
- Yagwan (弱冠) - Age 20
This term originates from the ancient practice where a man would undergo a coming-of-age ceremony at twenty, signifying his transition to adulthood.
- Bangnyeon (芳年) / Myeoryeong (妙齡) - Age 20s (for women)
Refers to the prime years of a young woman’s life, signifying beauty and youthfulness after turning twenty.
- Irip (而立) - Age 30
"To stand firm at thirty" implies reaching a point where one’s beliefs and studies are established, allowing for self-reliance.
- Bulhok (不惑) - Age 40
"Not to be perplexed at forty" signifies reaching a state where one is no longer confused and can choose the right path in life.
- Jicheonmyeong (知天命) - Age 50
"Knowing the mandate of heaven at fifty" implies an understanding of the meaning of life and accepting one’s destiny.
- Isun (耳順) - Age 60
"At sixty, the ears are compliant," meaning one reaches a state where they can listen to others without bias or prejudice.
- Jongsim (從心) - Age 70
"Following the heart at seventy" refers to a state where one can act according to their desires without deviating from what is right, achieving a sense of freedom.
The topics of study and relationships that nature bestows upon each generation are often aligned with the meanings defined by these terms. Let’s explore each concept one by one.
2). The Teenage Years
Up until the age of 21, children spend most of their time learning from their parents. Thus, the education they receive from their parents has the most significant impact on them. This is the period when parents are primarily responsible for their children’s growth, and children, in turn, receive various forms of material and emotional support to grow. If a child lacks the presence of biological parents, nature often sends other figures who can fulfill that parental role until the child reaches the age of 21.
From a parent's perspective, raising a child until the age of 21 involves changing parenting approaches every seven years. For children aged 0-7, parents make 100% of the decisions for them. From 7-14, decisions are made 70% by the parents and 30% by the child, discussing and deciding together. Between 14-21, it shifts to 30% parental influence and 70% the child’s own decisions. After 21, decisions should respect 100% of the child’s opinion, allowing them to grow into healthy and well-rounded adults.
If parents continue to control nearly 100% of decisions up to age 21, it may lead to overdependence, weakening the child's ability to independently solve problems and make decisions. Conversely, if parents leave all decisions entirely to the child, the child may grow up lacking a sense of right and wrong, becoming self-centered and stubborn, which can lead to future challenges.
Since the period up to age 21 is considered a time when parents fulfill their natural duties, children raised properly will grow up to fulfill their roles in society effectively. Eventually, children repay their parents not through material support but by achieving success in society, shining as individuals. This, in turn, becomes the greatest reward for the parents.
However, if parents see their children as possessions or interfere excessively in their lives, or conversely, if they neglect them entirely by only following the child’s preferences, it can hinder the child's adaptation to society. As a result, the child may face difficulties during their 30s and 40s, and these challenges can return to burden the parents emotionally. Parents who fail to fulfill their duties properly may later experience the consequences of their actions.
Ultimately, the influence of parents on children is most significant up to age 21. While children may also interact with teachers and other influences, these figures serve only as supplementary guides. Nature prioritizes the direct influence of parents on children’s growth. In situations where biological parents are absent, nature provides substitute figures who fulfill that parental role, ensuring that the child can grow up properly until the age of 21.
Summary
The age-based classifications derived from Confucius’ Analects (Yagwan, Irip, Bulhok, Jicheonmyeong, etc.) represent different stages in life with corresponding roles and personal growth. The teenage years and early twenties (up to 21) are primarily shaped by parental influence, with parenting styles evolving every seven years. Proper guidance during this time fosters independence and social adaptability. Nature emphasizes the parental role, ensuring that even in the absence of biological parents, substitutes are provided for a child’s proper upbringing.